Kara Keough Bosworth shared a heartbreaking tribute to her late son McCoy on Tuesday.
Marking six months since the newborn’s death following a traumatic birth, the grieving mother wrote about how her heart still aches for her little boy.
On Instagram the 31-year-old posted a black and white photo of her kissing McCoy in the NICU with husband Kyle Bosworth standing beside her.
Her angel: Kara Keough Bosworth continued to mourn her son McCoy on Tuesday as she marked 6 months since he died after a traumatic birth in April
She wrote, ‘Six months ago, I laid my eyes on you for the first time. I turned your big body around then looked at Daddy with a mixture of shock and pride and said, “It’s a boy.” Three hours later, I limped into the NICU to start what would be my first and last days of kissing you.
‘Somehow, I kissed you a lifetime’s worth of kisses in six days. All without one kiss back. I still think about what it felt like to kiss you, and that I never got kissed back.
‘It all still makes my throat ache like I’m being choked. I hate that the thought of kissing you creates this painful and involuntary spasm. I’d much rather be thinking of that involuntary happiness spasm that would overtake your body as a 6-month-old.
Kara went on to describe her longing to see the happy little jolts her baby would make when kissing him.
She also imagined how her days would look with her six-month-old reaching new developmental milestones.
‘Would we be dropping a nap, hearing you laugh, starting solids? Would all my shirts have drool pools on them? Would nursing you prove to be more of an Olympic effort around this time?
Kara’s heartbreaking post talked about how much she kissed her little boy in the NICU and how she wishes he could kiss her back. She also talked about all the little milestones he’d be reaching on his 6-month birthday
Tragic loss: Kara delivered McCoy on April 6 but he died three days later. Every 6th day of the month she shares a tribute to her boy on social media
Kara continued to talk about how she wants to miss her boy ‘wonderfully’ instead of ‘terribly’ after all the crying she has done.
‘And just where am I supposed to put all this love? This love that I reserved just for you? I still put it in you, of course. The love doesn’t leave just because you did. It’s a hard lesson to learn. I was feeling my love for you spilling out of me, in the form of tears, guttural sobs, and that worthless guilt.
‘But there are better ways to feel my love for you. Missing you something terrible doesn’t have to be the only way to miss you. I want to miss you wonderfully. As in, full of wonder.
‘Recently, your Daddy held me as he told me: “Each day, when you feel that strong breeze, or the sun hits your face, or you hear our daughter laugh… that’s our son loving his mama.” I considered the beauty in my life and how, like your Daddy said, each one of those little happy winks are you loving me. It’s you kissing me back. And that made my throat soften, and my heart open. And that, my boy, is the gift you’ve given me. A heart broken wide open is still an open heart. We love you, McCoy. And we miss you something wonderful.’
‘Just where am I supposed to put all this love? This love that I reserved just for you? I still put it in you, of course. The love doesn’t leave just because you did. It’s a hard lesson to learn.’ Kara wrote on Tuesday
Kara, who is the daughter of Real Housewives of Orange County alum Jeana Keough, delivered McCoy on April 6 at home.
Because of the coronavirus pandemic the couple decided against delivering their second child in hospital so that Kara could have her doula by her side.
Tragically, McCoy got stuck in the birth canal and suffered shoulder dystocia and a compressed umbilical cord, meaning he was deprived of oxygen for some time.
On April 14, Kara, who also has daughter Decker, four, with husband Kyle, announced that McCoy had passed away three days after birth.
On April 14, Kara, who also has daughter Decker, four, with husband Kyle, announced that McCoy had passed away three days after birth