Phillip Schofield admits he rebelled against his squeaky clean persona while cutting his teeth on children’s TV during the first years of his career.
In his new autobiography, Life’s What You Make It, the presenter admits to enjoying booze fueled nights out and even experimenting with cannabis before his days in the BBC Broom Cupboard.
Phillip. 58, wrote: ‘Children’s presenters were expected to be squeaky clean. I couldn’t be bound by those restrictions.’
Looking back: Phillip Schofield admit he rebelled against his squeaky clean persona while cutting his teeth on children’s TV during the first years of his career
The presenter, now a household name, revealed he first tried cannabis while living in New Zealand in the early ’80s, but didn’t enjoy the experience.
Recalling his initial experience with the Class B drug, Phillip admitted he passed out – albeit with a smile on his face – prompting his friends to carry him to bed.
He recalled: ‘On the rare occasions I’ve tried it, it has either made me sick, or made me feel like I have been darted with a tranquilliser.’
Struggling: The presenter also has revealed he once forced his driver to turn around while on the way to film This Morning after refusing to appear on the show while struggling with his sexuality
The book also gives an honest appraisal of Phillip’s sexuality, with the presenter revealing he once forced his driver to turn around on the way to film This Morning after refusing to appear on the show.
The presenter opened up about his struggles in his new memoir, where he told how he ran off set to vomit during the darkest days of hiding his secret from the world.
Phil explained how he contacted his wife of 27 years, Stephanie Lowe, to tell her he couldn’t film the show that day, as she was the only person who knew about his hidden sexuality at the time.
He said: ‘I had to come out. If I didn’t, the secret was going to give me a total breakdown… at best.’
Detailing his decision to pull out of filming, he said: ‘I sat alone in the flat, staring at the walls, as This Morning started on the other side of London.
‘It was a very stupid thing to do… all my closest friends knew how ragged my head was but no one except Steph knew why.’
Emotional: The This Morning host made the decision to come out earlier this year as he shared an emotional Instagram statement with his followers, before being interviewed by co-host Holly Willoughby just moments later (pictured at the time)
Phil said he realised he needed to seek help when he had to dash off set to throw up, while he also began taking prescription medication in order to cope.
He said: ‘It was the first time my issues had spilled over into work. Another day I had to leave a fashion item to be sick. I now knew that I needed professional help.’
It’s thought this occurred in March 2019 when Holly Willoughby was forced to present This Morning solo with Phillip ‘off sick’.
She said on air at the time: ‘Well you might have noticed, I’m all by myself. Phillip is not well today and we’re wishing him lots of love and hope that he’s better soon.
‘It’s so weird, I came and sat here and I sat in his chair. It just didn’t seem right to sit in that chair,’ she said as she pointed to the empty seat. ‘And this one to be empty.
He talked to Lorraine on her show on Thursday about the day he was sick:
‘I was in the car, going down the M20… it had never crept into work, here at work is my sanctuary. My driver Tony, he’s very committed. I said: “Tony take me to the flat”. I just sat in the flat. I made the mistake of turning my phone off, I told Steph and turned my phone off.
‘This Morning started and I wasn’t there. People may have thought that I might have done something stupid, but I wouldn’t have done.’
Lorraine noted that she had previously been concerned over his weight loss.
Phillip made the decision to come out in February when he shared an emotional Instagram statement with his followers, before being interviewed by co-host Holly just moments later.
Explaining the turmoil that led to his public coming out interview, Phil revealed he ‘sobbed quietly in the dark’ while watching the New Year’s Eve fireworks just weeks prior.
While he would tell colleagues his weekend was ‘fine’, Phil admitted the reality was he would stare at the flames in the fire and ‘wish they were consuming him’, as he detailed some of the dark places his mind went to.
In the autobiography, Phil revealed he became ‘increasingly aware’ of his sexuality over the past five years, and his wife was made aware at the same time.
He also confided in his two daughters Molly, 27, and Ruby, 24, but claimed he ‘felt sick’ before opening up to them about his sexuality.
Tell all: The TV presenter, 58, has opened up about his struggles in his new memoir Life Is What You Make It, where he detailed how he ran off set to vomit during the darkest days of hiding his secret
Unconditional: n the autobiography, Phil revealed he became ‘increasingly aware’ of his sexuality over the past five years, and his wife was made aware at the same time
Phil insisted he ‘unequivocally’ did not know he was gay and wouldn’t have got married to Steph if he did.
Another person who supported him wholeheartedly was his friend and colleague Holly, who was the first person he told at work.
Phil invited Holly to his dressing room to talk about it after Holly grew suspicious and increasingly worried, and after their chat they saw a white feather on the floor outside the dressing room.
Phil recalled: ‘She picked it up and gave it to me, and she said ‘see it’s all going to be okay.’ The feather is still in my wallet.’
On Wednesday Phillip told how the support Holly gave him when he came out as gay was ‘absolutely vital’.
Family: He also confided in his two daughters Molly, 27, and Ruby, 24, but claimed he ‘felt sick’ before opening up to them about his sexuality
Speaking on BBC‘s The One Show, Phillip admitted Holly was the first person at work he told about his sexuality and he met up with her in a London bar to discuss how they would handle his coming out on the show.
He said: ‘[Holly was] absolutely vital, couldn’t have done it with anyone else, I wouldn’t have wanted anyone else to be sat beside me.
‘We had a big lead up, Holly was one of the first people I told when I knew what I had to do, she is such a wise person.
‘She has got such a calm sensitive aura to her, at home everyone was saying it’ll be fine and Holly was saying at work, ‘it’ll be fine’, she was the only one that knew at that time at work.’
Phillip admitted he knew there would be a ‘massive amount of scrutiny’ on him after he came out.
He said: ‘We had to figure out how to do something like that, it had to be public. I knew there would be a massive amount of scrutiny.
‘I said to Holly: ‘I’ll do it on a Thursday morning and then ill go and you carry on,’ and we were in a bar in London secretly having this meeting and she said: ‘Are you joking? There’s no chance that you leave and I carry on.’
Friends: Lorraine Kelly told Phillip on Thursday that she had noticed his weight loss
‘She said: ‘No, we’ll do it on a Friday and ask Ruth and Eamonn if we can knick 10 minutes from their show, so we do it and then both leave together.’ ‘
In April, Phillip moved out of the £2 million modern rustic property near Henley-on-Thames in Oxfordshire.
He is now living in a central London apartment where he commutes to ITV’s White City studios.
Support: He said: ‘[Holly was] absolutely vital, couldn’t have done it with anyone else, I wouldn’t have wanted anyone else to be sat beside me’
Advice: Phillip admitted Holly was the first person at work he told about his sexuality and he met up with her in a London bar to discuss how they would handle his coming out on the show
The presenter, who shares Molly, 27, and Ruby, 24, with Stephanie, previously revealed he had been leading the ‘perfect life’ after getting married and raising his two children, claiming he hadn’t wanted anything to get in the way of his happiness.
But he said he was ‘naive’ to think he could suppress his sexuality when he married Stephanie 27 years ago, and he didn’t consider his sexuality as it was such a ‘joyous time’ for him.
Phillip also admitted he battled depression as he struggled with his sexuality, and even sought therapy to come to terms with it, before deciding he found it more helpful speaking to friends in private.
Phillip said: ‘[Holly was] absolutely vital, couldn’t have done it with anyone else, I wouldn’t have wanted anyone else to be sat beside me’
Between 10am to 10.15am on February 7, when Phillip segment was on, the show racked up 1.83million viewers, compared with the previous week’s ratings of 800,000.
Many people unable to witness the extraordinary episode live flocked to YouTube, where the show shares snippets to its channel.
The interview has been viewed more than 6.6million times on YouTube, becoming one of the daytime programme’s most watched ever clips.
The One Show airs weekdays 7pm on BBC One and is available on BBC iPlayer.